Those are some lyrics from a song that reminds me of when I first met Zach.
And they also remind me very much of a conversation that Zach and I had recently. It was a halfway incoherent conversation (Zach and I have had lots of those…I am always exhausted at the beginning of the school year and this year is no exception, our “before bed’ convo hasn’t made much sense lately).
This conversation is a little more honest than I think I’m even really comfortable with, but here goes.
Zach and I were discussing how our relationship has evolved since marriage. We both feel like we’re in a really good place and we were talking about that.
I asked Zach if he is ever surprised by our relationship. We are best friends and we get along really well. We work together really well. We still haven’t gotten sick of each other (well, I know that I haven’t gotten sick of him.) Zach says he wasn’t surprised at all. He remarked on how we were “just friends’ for quite a while before anything physical happened when we were dating and that we got to know each other really well during that time–he’s not surprised at the way that friendship has become strengthened through our (almost) 2 years of marriage.
Well I, on the other hand, am surprised. I’m pleasantly surprised, but still. Did I think we’d get along? Yes. Did I think we’d have fun? Yes. But Zach and I have completely different views of our dating relationship. I love him for seeing this wonderful friendship that established itself early on.
I remember it differently.
As soon as Zach and I kissed, that was it. There was no turning back for me. Life, for me, became all about the make out. I was twenty-four and Zach was my first kiss. He was handsome and he was kissing me and that’s all that mattered. I was such a guy. Anytime we were out, I was thinking about when I could get a little lip action from him next.
I remember a night out with a bunch of our friends. We went to a play and we drove separately. We were all meeting back up at Zach’s place that night and I remember us pulling off into a random parking lot on the way home so that we could get a little kissing in before meeting up with our friends. I still remember just about everything about that super steamy make out session. I remember a bruise that appeared on my hip not long after. I remember us laughing about it afterward, about how the console in the car was just too much space between the two of us.
I remember a breakfast at my little townhouse one morning with all of our friends. We were getting ready to leave and go to the movies and I asked Zach to come check something out upstairs so that I could steal a few kisses with him before we were going to be around other people all day. Dumb boy, he really thought he was supposed to be seeing if something needed to be fixed. Instead he ended up pinned against the wall in a full on make out session while our friends waited downstairs. I’m telling you…I
was am such a guy.
I remember many a make out in the parking lot of any given store: Target, Albertsons, Barnes and Noble…you name it, we probably made out in that parking lot.
Oh the memories. There are lots of them like that. Lots of them. Honestly, there are probably too many and there are several that I’m not proud of so I am by no means boasting but, the physical chemistry was there. And that’s pretty much all I had an interest in. So basically, I see our relationship when we were dating as very…physical…I don’t think about the friendship that we started out with.
Being married, in my opinion, has leveled out our passion with our friendship. They are both strong. It’s no longer a teeter totter with one side outweighing the other…it’s pretty equal and I am honestly surprised that it came as naturally as it did.
We both agree that when we met, we just knew. We were it for each other. It was easy. It felt right and it fell into place without a problem. I think that’s where the strength is…we were meant to be. We didn’t settle for anything less than that feeling.
As Zach and I were discussing this, I did kind of get sad. I pulled some of the, “You don’t pull the car over to make out with me on the way home anymore” lines. I became genuinely sad. I mean there’s still a lot of excitement and passion with us.. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, sometimes I still get butterflies when Zach and I kiss. It’s definitely there…it’s just not as desperate I guess, for lack of a better word. So Zach made me feel better with this little analogy:
He said that relationships are like a camp fire. The beginning of the fire is super hot and big..it engulfs everything, but you can’t really cook anything on it. After it spreads out and evens out, it’s something that’s productive, functional, and serves a number of purposes. And to quote my husband: “That’s where the real heat is.” That last line really brought a smile to my face and I was no longer sad about our more balanced (and honestly probably much healthier) relationship.
But I still think he should pull the car over and make out with me once in a while…