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I want to apologize for the length of this as my talking is also compulsive!! I decided today to see if I really have O.C.D. and I guess it is just HTCK (Habits That Can Kill). This is the name I made this morning when I tried to get up to come to work.   I have a very compulsive personality. If I start something I have to finish it. I have a schedule and I have to follow it. I see things that need to be done and I have to do it. This doesn’t sound like much of an issue unless you could have watched it play out last night. Yesterday I did my dad’s grocery shopping and then went to his house to clean it. I got home around 9.00 p.m. So thinking to myself “self… I will clean until 10.30 and then get in bed closer to normal tonight.”  Let me explain  Since my mom passed away and I have gotten A LOT more to do and I am not exaggerating here… A LOT … I have been trying to do my housecleaning on Friday mornings before work or on Thursday nights. I have been choosing Friday because I am FORCED to be finished and I understand the problem with “self”.  Last night I was really  moving along and seriously things don’t look that bad since I am alone in the house all week. I am cleaning the kitchen then I decide” well I need to run some hot water in the microwave, need to pull all the stove guards and burner grids off and put in the dishwasher”… So I do this then I decide I should wash the trash can lids… I have spent maybe 10 more minutes than I planned but… hey can still make it up… so I scrub the sink,then I decide that I should REALLY clean the counters not just spray clean them so get the scrubber out .. They are tile counters (note- people with OCD or HTCK should not have tile counters.) I scrub the counters, get bleach, and wipe them down. Now I have to shine them because bleach leaves a horrid film. I am into my plan by 30 minutes and I have not moved outside of a two foot radius in my home. I am what I think is still rational so I say “well I will just do the rest really fast and it will be ok”. Swept the kitchen, moved to the bathroom which has been rarely used. I guess you have to clean toilets that are rarely used because some sort of weird mossy thing is in the water. hell if I have ever seen that before, muffle the scream !!. More bleach… I should take the shower curtain down and wash it. Well I should take both shower curtains down if I am doing one… Well I should do the bathroom rugs first so they can be drying while I wash the shower curtains… Back to the bathroom that hasn’t been used… maybe I should mop in here. Maybe I should mop on my hands and knees I haven’t done that in forever. Maybe I should even use alcohol to clean it. Hell by now I have given up my 10.30 goal but I will make it by 11.00. I decided to clean out 3 drawers in MY bathroom and straighten my towel closet a little(because I don’t have time to do the whole thing, whyI thought I had the time for all the other is beyond me!) Now to myself “Better mop this floor the same way I did the other” (which I may add could put me to harmful thoughts about gross things.. which IS a symptom of OCD) so now I am running from one little task to another and finding things that annoy me and telling myself that I have to ignore that problem today as it is now Friday morning!!Friday morning!! The sane part of me knows I have got to quit… I run around put all my rugs back down, put away my arsenal of cleaning products and hang shower curtains! I then have to take a bath and of course wipe the tub back down because now it looks used and I can’t have that!!! There is a terrible problem in here and I really knew it this morning when my alarm rang and I had only 3 1/2 hours of sleep… Which by the way leads to the kill part of the habit.. this fact and the fact that when you get dumb like this others also want to kill you ! So get this- I didn’t get to work any earlier because I still had a load of laundry and I put chili in to cook and my cat got sick all over on my clean freaking rug.. Do I know this is an issue? Oh heavens yes!In review my house doesn’t look much different at all but, when I left today it smells a lot like the cleaning aisle at Albertsons..Bleach, Pine Sol and Alcohol and for one small moment all is right in my world!

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