Well, Christmas is over. So is my break from work and Zach’s break from school.
I tell you what, this holiday break was pure bliss. Really.
I don’t know why. I just get so sad.
As a kid I loved being home with my brother and hanging out with my grandma or my mom (if she had the time off). I enjoyed spending extra time with my family. The night before “back to school” was always a night of me crying. Whether it was after summer break, Christmas break, or spring break.
Sometimes mom would just take a week of vacation and be a stay-at-home mom. She was there when we walked in the door. Sometimes Grandma would be there, too. They’d be folding laundry or canning some mustard pickles…with daytime t.v. on. The house was always clean. I loved the treat of having my mom home. I lived for it. And even if I was on a regular school schedule, I always cried when she had to go back to work.
Not much has changed, though it’s been more than 20 years since some of those episodes.
I cried last night. I will probably cry tonight but not likely. I cried because I go back to work. I go back to being busy and coming home to an empty house most nights. Zach goes back to school. I won’t get to greet him right after he gets home from work.
For the past few weeks I’ve played a 1950’s housewife (sans kids) and it has been amazing. During the day I’ve been relaxing and working in a balance. Mornings spent on the couch watching Frasier episodes off of Netflix with Mal cuddled up beside me. I wore my pjs and sip hot chocolate. I blogged and scheduled a lot of posts so that I would be a little ahead when things get busy. Then I’ve started cleaning or working on a project or finding recipes online (one of my favorite hobbies, I must admit. I love finding new recipes!). I spent a lot of time getting acquainted with my Net Book, my Christmas gift! All the while, I look forward to Zach coming home. I’ve been able to give Zach a kiss when he walks through the door each night. Zach has come home to a super clean home every day. Even more clean than when he left it (I’ve had some mini projects, clean out closets, clean garage, etc…and I get so proud of them, that he has to see them). I’ve either had dinner ready or we’ve had other dinner plans for the night. We’ve talked over dinner and visited. We played a few games of Quiddler, watched Lie to Me, and spent lots of time with friends.
It was bliss.
I know that the life we were living for the past two weeks is not how life is meant to be. I know that. I just have a hard time separating from it. More so than usual. I cried last night and then I thanked Heavenly Father for the blessed childhood that I had and now the blessed adult life I lead. I have so many people to love me. So much that I cry when I lose time with them.
I know that this is not a problem, it is a blessing.
But I’m a little teary-eyed nonetheless.