The other day I was talking to my friend Diane and she told me her daughter Meegan made this comment in a conversation they were having – “I am really starting to feel my own mortality!” Never mind that she is 32 years old… 32!!!!
The truth is I don’t tend to think about mine in a way that shows me the end is closer than the start very often. That changed a little the past few weeks and I need to turn it around.
Those of you who know me know that my dad has a lot of health problems along with the fact that he is still totally grief stricken since my mom died. I went to the Dr. with him Monday to find out about some issues and the news was not very good. I had an awakening there that I try to avoid. I am the oldest child in my family. I will use the word child as I still think I am… So this mess brought me to a realization that I need to GROW UP… oh judas better late than never huh? My mom passed away and I still thought I was a kid. My dad has had problems for a long time and I help him, but I am still the kid. Sitting there Monday talking about what he wants to do made me think maybe I am not the Kid! I realized I do NEED to GROW UP!
Monday night Shar and Kylie and I watched the Bachelor and made vision boards. These are boards with goals and resolutions we want to come about in our lives. The first year I did this with Shar I put some pretty good and hard to reach ideals on there. I obtained a few of these and some of them were quite a surprise. This year as I stated in my resolution blog- I didn’t put out very high expectations. I just want to accomplish some small things and not stress myself out. Quite frankly and I hate to admit this, but I am quite stressed out anyway. So no big plan or dream was posted on my board.
Wednesday… (Wow is my week full of wake-up calls or what) I got my 25 Year award from my boss at work. It is this little shopping cart with the 25 year deal marked on it!! Do not get me wrong here… Am I grateful for this job? HELL YES… Did I think I would be here 25 years…? HELL NO… What did I want to be when I grew up? I seem to have forgotten. I just came to work every day for 25 years. Sometimes this place was a total hole to be honest. I just forced my way through to make a living. I raised a family on this and built two homes here. I have made a lot of friends and right now I really enjoy my job. It is the best thing I have done here since I started but, 25 YEARS…!! I don’t know if it was the Monday or what but I actually cried for a second!! Who was I going to be? I don’t even remember. I am a dreamer and yet I am realistic as well. I may not have ANOTHER 25 years. What am I going to do with my time left? Do I want to make it matter? Is it hopeless and am I too late?
Well I did what I always do and I knocked it off. I prayed a lot and I have come to the conclusion that
1. I need to change my vision board or add another I need some bigger things on there. I need to work toward something greater than tomorrow.
2. Miracles do happen as my Uncle stated to me in an email so I will look for that for my dad as well.
3. I may not have 25 years left here, but I do have all Eternity… and I know and now remember this… Heavenly Father will let me continue learning and doing my projects I start here.
I am going to plan ahead. And I am going to be what I want to be “When I grow UP!”
Does anyone have any more magazines- I have to go buy some more poster board?