Tags

, ,

{For the past little while, I’ve been sleeping in the guest bedroom instead of in our bedroom. I have this cough and it keeps me up at night. I cough and Zach says, “Do you need anything.” He asks every time and then I know he’s not sleeping. He doesn’t complain or anything but it makes it even harder for me to fall asleep. I lie there trying not to cough and that makes me have to cough even more. So I leave the room and sleep in the other room.}

I hate sleeping in a different bed than Zach. Zach and I don’t ever sleep in separate beds. It has gotten me thinking about how we don’t ever even go to bed angry.

So how do we operate? How do we fight?

After we were married, I began to treasure the time we had together. Nights and weekends were like gold to me. The worst thing would be to waste that time away with trivial arguments.

At first married our fights were intense to say the least. I would get angry, Zach would remain quiet, which would make me more angry. I would say really mean things in order to get Zach to fight back. Hours would go by and we’d still be fighting. If the fights started in the evening, I would fight until 3 or 4 a.m. but I wouldn’t go to bed mad.

Zach would fall asleep but I wouldn’t. So I would leave the room in an attempt to get him to come after me an apologize. I would lay in the other room and think to myself, “If he comes in by the time I count to 100 I will just give him a kiss and be done with it.”

But he would come in and my pride would kick in and I’d start fighting even if I didn’t really want to be fighting.

Or he WOULDN’T come after me and he’d start falling asleep. I would storm into the room and fight even worse.

When our fight would end, we would both apologize profusely. We’d be back and forth and back and forth saying how sorry we were. We’d regret the things we said and we’d also regret the time we’d lost.

We tried to come up with a system to prevent this. We tried to say that we would each take turns being the first to apologize. We tried agreeing to play a board game when we were mad to try to get us to cool down with each other.

We both really wanted to avoid arguments because we were so miserable after them. We hated the lost time.

How two people can fight that long I have no idea. It’s so different now.

I think time, practice, and a desire to change on both of our parts has made the change. We honestly don’t really fight anymore. I’m able to more calmly express myself or take a deep breath. I can get past the pride more easily. It’s worth it to me to enjoy my time with Zach rather than argue with him about it.

This weekend we did fight. One of our first in a very long time. I would be terribly embarrassed to tell you why. It basically stemmed from my sickness, not sleeping well, and feeling like Zach was always doing homework. I know I can’t fault him for that, but I haven’t even been able to cuddle to sleep with him so I was feeling a tad emotional about not having enough time.

I started a fight and it did escalate this time, but this time it only lasted two hours from start to finish.

While I’m disappointed that it got to the point of an argument, I’m proud of us. I’m proud that we know how to approach one another. That we avoid saying mean things more than we need to. I’m glad that I now go and say a prayer before I say anymore.

I’ve grown past needing my side of the story to be heard or understood. I’d rather have our house be peaceful and our relationship untainted.

So, around this place, we don’t fight anymore.

 

 

Advertisements