We find comfort in times of trial in the strangest things, don’t we?
I’ve been sleeping with a blanket from my grandparents house–it smells like their house and it smells like my grandpa. I’ve been reading lots of talks/lessons etc. on loss and comfort when losing a loved one on lds.org. I am grateful for the influence of faith in my life–especially right now. I have no idea where I’d be without it. I’ve been quiet in my house. I have prayed.
I’ve cried at the most random moments. It’s little things. It’s my dad walking in the door with a handful of pressed white shirts on hangers to take to the funeral home. My grandpa’s shirts. His starched, white, pristine shirts that he wore everywhere. All the time.
I cry when I imagine his voice, what he’d be saying to me right now. How grateful I am for the relationship I had with him. That I do know what he’d say to me. That usually makes me cry even more.
I have also been crying and healing while listening to this song over and over and over again. I hit the replay button the second it’s over. I have always found a lot of comfort in this song. It especially comforts me now. Especially the line that says, “I’ll walk with my granddaddy, and he’ll match me step for step. And I’ll tell him how I’ve missed him every minute since he left. And then I’ll hug his neck!”
It comforts me on different levels. After my grandma passed away, my grandpa took up genealogy. He busied himself with trying to get temple work done for my grandma’s family. He was such a dutiful husband even after she passed. He wanted to still serve her. And since he was on such a genealogy kick and since I never took the time to write my grandma’s history, I wrote his. I sat on his couch and interviewed him a number of times. My favorite part of listening to his life story was actually his childhood. I loved learning about what an incredibly strong family he came from. I loved hearing how much he loved his grandparents and parents.
The thought of my grandpa getting to reunite with all of those people he told me about, thrills my heart. I hope so much that he is just so happy.
The second appeal is as it relates to me someday reuniting with my grandparents. To have them “match me step for step”–well that’s just the most incredible thought.
At the end of both my grandparents’ lives, they could barely move. My grandma was so crippled by her arthritis. She had back problems and could not get around easily at all. She was slow to move when she did. A few months back my grandpa was just having a much more difficult time than normal getting around. He was even slower than usual. Upon taking him to the doctor they discovered that his hip was actually broken (my grandpa had been walking, unassisted, on a broken hip). They couldn’t fix it because he had heart problems and would not survive the surgery. (He was getting procedures done on his heart in Salt Lake every so often to try to fix his heart enough so that he could fix his hip). He took to walking with a cane. He still went to work and church. He still hobbled into the shooting range with me. The thought of him keeping up with me…even outrunning me…well, it just brings tears to my eyes.
**And on a completely non-mournful note: I love Brad Paisley in that video. I’m a sucker for a guy in a hoodie and his hoodie plus cowboy hat, well it’s pretty nice.