I feel I should spare you my matchless wisdom as I am not sure at all if I am wise as of late. This week has been a different one so I thought today I would simply go home and clean my house. I am sure from reading this that you would think my home is wonderful, it is not. I do like cleaning and I love a clean house and I thought that this would just be a day for that. I started off with a trip to Aslett’s and armed with Diazide 64 and Nilium Odor cleaner I was as cheerful as Sharlee with her Cinderella Purse walking out of the Disney store when she was 3.
Upon arriving home I find my husband watching reruns of House on the TV!!!! In my head I am screaming WHAT?? I instead state cheerily “you are home”. He says “yeah I took the day off” OH lordy.. do not get me wrong. I love being home with him. I love taking naps with him and I will even sit and read while he watches reruns on TV, but we are not cut out to be in each others business.. The house is MY business. So we start with “what are you doing?” I tell him I am going to mow the lawn.. He tells me I dropped the blade too low and I am cutting the lawn too short- Short lawns get diseases, short lawns burn up.. yadayadayada.. To which I slightly lie and tell him no I didn’t,because I did it 3 weeks ago and now today he takes note of it. We go back and forth on this one and I head out the door. Mowing and pondering and getting annoyed- I like clean cut grass, I like grass that looks good and besides that if short grass gets so sick why do all those millions of acres of golf course have it? So finish that up. Come inside. He is now watching How Its Made after a trip to Fast Eddy’s to get his daily milkshake.. which is also annoying because… Why is he not FAT ?
He took a vacation day and I do NOT begrudge him mindless TV watching.. just watch it and entertain with that. No I get the vacuum out and he tells me he might need a nap? It is 10.30 in the morning.! I am going to vacuum!!! I have plans. So I tell him wait a minute..And I vacuum.. I bought the 64 cleaner because my cat has taken to eating the Peace Lily from my dad’s funeral daily and puking endless quantities of it on the carpet, so my next move was to shampoo my carpet with cleaner and this stuff I bought that could call an end to the war with the list of ingredients in it. I had been near gleeful thinking of it’s power-so I pull the carpet cleaner in from the garage and he comes out again “You’re going to use that cheesy thing”.. I am now past my happy stage and wondering whether to finish cleaning or leave and hit the breakfast buffet and forget it.. ( Side note.. I don’t like being told what to do). I tell him YES I am using it and it works fine.. Which now I have begun to wonder.. but oh well start the steamer up moving right along and OUT he pops again. “You have to move it slower or it won’t pick up the water.” to which I state “Really when did you work for Merry Maids?” and he answers “Why are you always mad at me?” to which I state “I am not mad at you… just leave me to my things. I am leaving you to yours. We are fine” Now I am stressed as if I went to work.. but oh well can’t forget the cleaner and the puke. So I finish that up. He has gone to Lowes so I save the dirty water to show him and prove that cleaner works. This is gross and I know it but I have simply got to prove it. He comes in I show him and he tells me “you have to rinse that filter and the bucket out? NO KIDDING!!!! oh nooooo. So I mop our bedroom and go to the kitchen,which I saved for last, so I could work there while my carpet dries.. He prances in to go to our room and I yell don’t walk on the floor .. and he states “Why is everything in this house WET?” Hello where have you been all day. I am now to lunch time but cleaning the kitchen and he decides he needs a sandwich. I decide I will make it to control the amount of mess. So making the sandwich.He tells me put the mustard on the bologna not the bread.. This is a phrase he has stated for 30 years now.. I have it down. But I responded where I was going to put something and he again states” Why are you always mad at me?” Oh lordy this is wearing.. So he finishes his sandwich with a huge political discussion with Shane(who had just stopped by). I am ready to start on my bills and grocery shopping list and he says” I think I will take a nap”. To which I now state ok.. In my head I am doing the Hallelujah song but oh well. He went to bed. I came out here.. got my grocery list began to type and felt the relief of an overtired mother who just got her screaming toddler to sleep..
I am painfully aware that I would miss him in my business if he were not here. I love him and I am glad to have him. but, for right now SHHHH my husband is sleeping.. and he looks real cute that way.