Wow, I miss feeling connected to my blogging world, but sometimes I have to take the time to feel connected to my own world. I am getting a lot accomplished at work these days. I’m not getting much accomplished at home at all, but that’s okay. We’ve got a lot of exciting things coming our way. Surely a lot of things to blog about in the future. In the meantime, I’m going to send you off to do a little reading elsewhere.
I just found this blog called Single Dad Laughing. I clicked on like 3 posts that I was interested in reading on Pinterest and they all took me to his blog on the same day. I read this and this which I LOVED. The second one compelled me to write a love note to Zach while he was at work, thanking him for holding my hand all the time and kissing me a million times every night. I am very blessed. But this post, THIS post was remarkable. I don’t think I’ve ever read anything that so perfectly put the things I have felt for nearly a decade about women and body image and men and the media. Oh my gosh!
If you don’t know me, I have been anti-porn since before I could even date. I have felt so strongly against it for as long as I can remember. I’ve always felt that it is wrong. That’s not too far out there, I mean, plenty of women agree with me on that. But I even take it a step further. It has always bothered me when a married man will talk about getting home to watch his “girlfriend” on some television show. It has always bugged me and everyone thinks I’m too extreme, too irrational, too insecure. It has never been about insecurity, but rather about respect. Well, finally a man has taken a stand on my side.
This article was spot on. I agree with the entire thing. I even teared up when he wrote,
“We put the weight of this on the women. Everybody puts the weight of this on the women. Even the voice of change has been putting its attention on the symptom instead of the cause. Women, love yourselves, it glaringly repeats. Learn to love who you are. Realize that you aren’t perfect and never will be. Realize that the women on magazine covers are fake.
That has even been my message of late. But now, I question whether that is an impossible thing to ask.
I don’t know how it is possible so long as we, as men, stop and look. So long as I stop and look. In fact, I’m certain that it is not. A woman can tell herself that those images are fake until the sun goes down, but at the end of the day, her self-talk will barely matter. Not when men think that they’re real. Not when she knows that men want what is shamelessly being touted from those photos. Not when she knows that men think of those photos as real.”
I was hesitant to post that quote. Do I think it’s a man’s responsibility to make me feel good about myself? No. Am I writing this because my husband makes me feel bad? No. It’s not about that. It’s about the big picture here. There is such truth in this cause and effect relationship. Women are constantly fighting to live up to a non-existant standard and not just physically. It’s what women do but has it always been? I don’t think so And then when we fail and we feel bad about it we’re told to be confident, fake it til you make it, confidence is sexy. It’s too much weight to bare. I’m not just talking for myself, though I won’t lie and say I’m immune to it.
I posted this because I wanted to spread the word as far as I can. I want as many men to read that post as possible and I want to see if some more men will step up and join the challenge. I also hope that women will feel valued after reading it and perhaps a little more understood. And mostly, I’d of course, LOVE to have a conversation here about it. So go check out his posts and let me know what you think. Do you agree? Do you disagree? Why?