I am pretty open about the fact that Zach was my first kiss. My husband is the only man whose lips have ever touched mine.
This usually remarked on with surprise and a great deal of questions.
Since kissing is a fun topic and with tomorrow being Valentine’s day, I decided to answer some of those questions right here.
Was that hard?
Yes and no. There were times when I really was tempted to give in. I won’t lie. I made the decision in high school, though, which is why I’m a believer in deciding something like that (abstinence for example) before you ever actually get yourself into the situation. By the time it really became a temptation I was a twenty-something year old and that decision had become a part of me.
It also helped that people knew. I wasn’t quiet about that and I think that was good for me. People respected my decision and that meant a lot to me. I had many guy friends that looked out for me because of that. Knowing that they respected the choice also helped me stick with my decision.
Are you a prude?
Hardly! (Which is why this happened) Most people think that I might have the wrong idea about the physical aspect of a relationship. That maybe I view it as something “bad” or wrong.
First of all, let me say this: I don’t think that everyone should save kisses for their future spouse. I simply don’t think it’s for everyone. Plus, I loved hearing the makeout stories of my friends. It was fun to get in on the girl talk.
I have a very positive outlook on the physical aspect of relationships. I think that it’s a very important part of a relationship. I also happen to think it’s one of the most enjoyable parts ;) I always have, even before marriage. I also knew that even though it was fun and important, it was also special.
Did you kiss Zach before your wedding day?
Oh goodness yes! When I say my husband was my first kiss, that does not mean that I waited until he was my husband to kiss him. We kissed long before that.
How long did it take you to kiss Zach?
I wanted to kiss Zach pretty much right away. We met at the beginning of October. We went to a Halloween dance the weekend before Halloween and all of us went back to Zach’s place. We were all hanging out. Some people were talking and some people were playing Rock Band. Zach sent me a text that said, “Wanna get out of here?” I looked at him and smiled. We went and got hot chocolate…in our costumes. I remember sitting across the table from him and boldly told him, “I am going to let you kiss me someday.” I would have right then but certain circumstances prevented us from feeling right about it.
So we waited…and waited…and waited…we kissed January 29. I remember that date because…well a. It was my first kiss and b. It was Jake’s birthday. Yes, all that waiting…all that anticipation and we kissed during Jake’s birthday party. I feel a little bit bad about that right now. Everyone knew that we were kissing and so they awkwardly stayed out in the kitchen and waited while we kept the entire living room to ourselves. It was a weekday. I came over after school and as soon as Zach and I were alone for a second, we started kissing.
Does this have anything to do your religion?
My religion absolutely doesn’t require that you wait until marriage to kiss. We are commanded to abstain from anything intimate. I don’t say sex because really, it’s anything really intimate which covers a lot more ground than sex. Kissing is not something that most people wait for. And I didn’t wait for marriage anyway. I waited until I found the man I would marry. (See next question).
I’m sure if you went to school at any of the BYUs you’d know that kissing isn’t really held sacred in Mormon culture. There are like six different acronyms that Mormon folk use to talk about (which I refuse to write on this blog) which refer to kissing people just for fun.
However, growing up in the church I gained a testimony very young that my body was special and I should treat it with respect. So I knew that I shouldn’t just be kissing whomever I pleased and I knew myself well enough to know that I would have to draw a big line for myself. If I kissed one…why not kiss all?! I know me.
Do You Ever Feel Like You Missed Out?
I get this question a lot. Sometimes from friends that are/were in the same boat as me and some from friends that weren’t. It’s a good question and it makes a lot of sense. I personally don’t feel like I missed out at all. I am being one hundred percent honest.
There is not a single man that I wish I could have just kissed to see what it would be like in my past. Not one. Not even the boy that I let hold my hand. At the time, I sometimes hated myself and my stupid strict rules, but I am more than grateful for them now.
I could see how other people might feel differently, like maybe they didn’t live enough or something before settling down. Again, it’s not for everyone. I just say, make up for the “lost time” with the one who really counts! ;)
I really don’t remember much surrounding the defining moment when I made the decision that I wouldn’t kiss anyone until I found the man I would marry. (Or at least whole heartedly loved and believed I would marry). I wanted my first kiss to be with someone who I saw a future with at least. Someone I trusted with my heart that much.
I’m not exactly sure why. I just know that I made that decision in high school. A lot of girls I went to church with were making out with boys a lot and one day I just felt really strongly that I should wait. I know me, but apparently my Heavenly Father knows me even better. He led me to that decision, of that I am certain.
I realized how much the decision to hold onto my first kiss was inspired when a male friend of mine said to me, “If it weren’t for your standards, Sharlee, I think we could have made a mistake.” The second he said that I realized how true it was.
That’s how I know this decision was inspired for me. Because if I had a more lax approach to kissing, I probably would have kissed a lot of men that I desperately wanted to kiss but knew that I shouldn’t. Keeping firm boundaries worked for me. I don’t think it’s for everyone, but I really do think it was the right decision for me.
I remember being at a young women activity one day and thinking to myself, “Wouldn’t it be cool if I could tell my daughter someday that her dad was my first kiss? If he was my first everything! Yes. Yes, it would.” And that’s when I decided. I would be able to tell my daughter that someday.
And I will. Her dad was my very first kiss. And he was definitely worth the wait!
See..isn’t kissing fun to talk about?! :)
One more day to get yourself a KitchenAid! Don’t miss out!
And tomorrow you won’t be hearing from me. I’ve got a special guest post coming from my hunky husband. That’s right…perfect for Valentine’s day. I can’t wait to share his words with you. Be sure to check in! (Thanks Kellee for the suggestion last year!)