I have been thinking a lot about this topic for the past couple of months. I know that I tell quite a bit of personal information during my Friday turn to blog and yet there are some things I don’t discuss so much because I sometimes think it sets me to fail in public. I don’t plan to fail I just do sometimes.
Lately I have become aware of how greatly I have failed myself. I had a couple of conversations with Sharlee that were just everyday talks but, some of the content brought to my mind how little we sometimes tend to care for ourselves.. One of the things was just an offhand comment because I was finding Shane a pair of earphones he could use and mine are the cheap kind you get from the Dollar Store.. Todd brings out a really nice pair.. Shar has a decent pair.. Shar asked me “why do you always get yourself crap and give other people nice things?” This is not necessarily true in all things but, I began to think this over in my mind.
When my kids were young I tried to take really good care of them.. I bought them new clothes for school and holiday and vacations, I tried to put them to bed on time, we read stories, I always made sure they had vegetables with their meals at home (mostly green beans and sometimes spinach because they were too picky), we ate dinners at home at the table, we went to movies and the park and to ball games. I take care of Todd like this too. I buy him clothes, I wash his laundry, fix his meals, try to find him things he would like for gifts(though he often beats me to this J) I love them. I want them to be healthy and happy. I still try to treat my kids and family well. What happened to me?
I swear I have no idea why women for the most part do tend to put themselves in a different place than the ones that they care for. I will run on very little sleep, not eat at regular times, wear the same clothes for years- only buying new ones out of absolute necessity, skip exercising, buy myself crap earphones, run myself to my last ounce of energy,say very negative degrading things, plague myself with guilt over everything and everyone I have even some remote contact with… Does this sound familiar? I am almost sure it does.
We have read countless articles on being kind to yourself, loving yourself, treating yourself with respect.. on and on and on. I read these. I plan to do them and the last little while I have become painfully aware of how I have failed in this area miserably. Yesterday I looked in the mirror.. The person looking back was not good J oh jeez she needs a DECENT hair cut and color, a huge nap, several DECENT meals in a row, a regular bedtime and some good old fashioned exercise and some time outside in the sun and fresh air. Would I have allowed my kids to go weeks on the unending ride of destruction that I have been on? Would I have let them eat at all different hours of the day, stay up all hours of the night, let people talk to them like I talk to myself? Heavens no and yet I have put myself on this same ride time and time again .. year in and year out.
I don’t know exactly how we learn to love ourselves as much as we love others but, I am going to work on trying to. I am going to try to treat myself more kindly and send myself to bed on time, pack my lunch and speak to myself in a better tone.
We read that we can’t take really good care of others if we don’t take care of ourselves. I will use that as my motivation for now. So how do I start?
Tonight I filled the tub for myself…. All the way up . very hot water.. lavender bubble bath and I stayed in it until I WANTED to get out. There was no got to hurry someone else’s turn, or don’t use all the hot water someone else may want a bath or get out you have laundry running that you need to fold! I told her to shut up!! My new good friend was going to speak to me and she did.. I don’t know how it will go but, I felt like it was a good start : )
Take Good Care of the Ones You Love.