“Are you sure you’re as happy as I am?”

This is a question I ask Zach more often than I should. He always asks me why I feel the need to ask and it finally dawned on me the other day.

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I get paid once a month and the way we use the money from my check means that the money goes pretty fast. The way we handle our expenses makes it really easy for me to track how much of “my” money is leftover every month. There are some months, rare though they may be, that I have a lot more than anticipated left over by the time my next paycheck comes.

My initial reaction is excitment. Sweet! Extra cash. How can I spend it? (This is why Zach handles the actual extra money, because this is what I do.) I usually find a way to spend it and on the car ride home I start worrying, “Wait! Why was there leftover money? Did I pay bills a, b, and c?!?! What did I forget?”

Same thing when I go grocery shopping and spend less than I normally budget. Same system…”Sweet! What can I spend it on?!”

“I must have forgotten something at the store, it can’t really be that low.”

And so it is with my entire life. We see so much negativity about faith, about life, about marriage, about having a family, etc.

Sometimes I’m going along happy as can be and I have these moments where I’m just awe struck at the beautiful life I am so blessed to live and I think, “Wait. Something must be missing. It can’t really be this good, can it?!”

If I’m this happy then Zach can’t be because something has to be missing. Something has got to be overlooked.

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Sure I have my trials. I’m learning to love and care for myself in a one step forward two steps back kind of way. We want a family, but I’m also okay with waiting as long as we need to because sometimes it honestly terrifies me to think of it. We all will have trials some that will last and effect us longer than others, but ultimately I am blessed with a beautiful life. I’d bet you are, too!

It’s time I stop looking for that missing bill tucked away and just buy the darn skirt!

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